Confessions
by Kyra2
Summary: The guys of Schwartz share some of their thoughts with someone.... (yaoi & het)
1. Nagi

**Warnings:** het, yaoi, Nagi POV, OOC, mild language  
  
**Ratings:** pg-13  
  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, just borrowing them. I promise that when I am done I will give them back in the same condition that I found them.  
  
**Pairings:** Nagi+Tot, Schuldig+Omi, Ken+Yuriko, Crawford+Ran, Farfarello+Yohji   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
Oh there you are! How are things on the light side?  
  
Don't give me that shocked look. I don't have to be quiet and depressed all the time. I may not be as hyper and cheerful as sweet little Bombay but I am hardly a candidate for Mister Teen Angst. But then of course, he isn't as sickeningly perfect as he would have you all believe. Or so Schuldig tells me, and I am inclined to believe him. He may be a manipulative bastard but he knows what he's talking about and where dear Tsukiyono is concerned he doesn't lie.  
  
Anyway, this isn't about Omi and my sociopathic teammates strange obsession with him so quit trying to sidetrack me.   
  
No, I called you out here today to talk about Tot.   
  
Yes, Tot. Why do you look so stunned?   
  
You thought I was gay? Oh don't cringe like that; I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not gay; if I were life would be so much easier. As things stand I am in love with Tot.   
  
Yes, Tot, the blue-haired, umbrella wielding psychopath with the emotional capacity of an eight year old. You've fought her, you know perfectly well who I'm talking about. She's lovely, she loves me back, and she thinks I'm dead. Why me?   
  
What was that?   
  
Oh, 'bunny-butt.' Yeah, the tail was very cute, wasn't it?   
  
Yes there is more to her than just a very nice rear-end. She may be emotionally stunted but she is intelligent. I've spoken to her when there was no one else around, she's far from stupid, but for some reason she insists on hiding it.   
  
Sorry, I missed that. The psychic annoyance is calling. Apparently we have to go over our plans yet again. There can't be any slip-ups this time. If there are we're all dead.  
  
Here. Crawford says that there's a lady in Australia who misses you and that when this is all over you should take these and go visit her. I'll pass on your regards to Farfie.   
  
Take care Hidaka, and thanks for the talk.   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
**Notes:** Forgive me, but I happened to like Tot. So long as you're not going to rant at me for my choice of pairings please review and let me know what you think. Criticism is welcome. Flames will be used to warm my roommates freezing feet. 


	2. Crawford

**Warnings:** het, yaoi, Crawford POV, OOC, mild language  
  
**Ratings:** pg-13  
  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, just borrowing them. I promise that when I am done I will give them back in the same condition that I found them.  
  
**Pairings:** Nagi+Tot, Schuldig+Omi, Ken+Yuriko, Crawford+Ran, Farfarello+Yohji   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
In the beginning there was the tree.  
  
Yes, the tree.  
  
No, I'm not crazy, now stop looking at me like that.  
  
Do you want me to tell you the story or not?  
  
Thank you. Now, where was I….Oh yes, the tree. It was a magnificent tree. Four stories high, a trunk so big five men couldn't wrap their arms around it. I loved that tree. When the visions came I would go sit in it and wait for them to go away. Of course, I wasn't there for very long after they started. Two Estet agents came to my house, they killed my parents, burned down the tree, and took me with them. I knew that someday I would make them sorry, and until then I would learn control. Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on anything when the present is always overlaid with visions of the future?  
  
Yeah, something like that. I forgot the tree, blanked it out of my mind for years…until I saw him. For some reason he reminds me of it.  
  
Oh no, not the first time I saw him. He was little more than a child then, a broken child. It was years later, when I saw him again. Killing rage in his eyes, strong and cold. All I could think was that he reminded me of my tree. Someone who could stand calmly through a storm, a person who might just be safe. He was tough, wasn't going to die just when I needed him.  
  
Yes, even I need people sometimes. I may act like a cold-hearted bastard but I'm not all that bad.  
  
I know, I've fixated on someone who desperately wants me dead and will never forgive me for my past transgressions. Never mind that those actions saved her life and the entire world.  
  
What?  
  
You thought we were going to use her?  
  
No! We didn't really intend to go through with it.  
  
Because you four had to believe that we would. Had one thing, even one, gone differently we would have all paid for it. Your sweet little Bombay would be dead, Schuldig would have destroyed himself and taken a good third of the city with him, both girls would have been killed by his madness, Abyssinian would now be in an asylum…..  
  
Judging by the look on your face you get the point. Perhaps now that it is all over he will be able to overlook our former encounters and give me a chance. I need to believe that there is a chance, no matter how small it may be, and in the meantime, I will try to relax.  
  
Time to go, Schuldig says that Farfarello has gone missing again.  
  
Until next time, Hidaka.   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
**Notes:** Okay..so he's REALLY out of character. Oh well. I wanted to portray a more relaxed side of Schwartz' infamous leader. If you don't like it for some reason feel free to let me know. Criticism is always welcome. But if you plan on leaving outright flames then go away because I don't want to read them. 


	3. Farfarello

**Warnings:** het, yaoi, Farfarello POV, OOC, mild language  
  
**Ratings:** pg-13  
  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, just borrowing them. I promise that when I am done I will give them back in the same condition that I found them.  
  
**Pairings:** Nagi+Tot, Schuldig+Omi, Ken+Yuriko, Crawford+Ran, Farfarello+Yohji   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
Good mornin' kitty-cat, has he gone?  
  
Sorry, didna mean t'frighten you. Not this time anyway. D'ya have a moment?  
  
Good, I hate waitin'. How was your vacation?  
  
Really?  
  
Tha's good. She was a sweet li'l girl.  
  
O'course I saw her, we've been watchin' you four for a while now.  
  
Perceptive cat, no, 'm not here t'talk 'bout your lady. Tis Yohji, Balinese, Sin…the fallen angel with the pretty wire. He's a lovely thing, eyes shadowed, blood so sweet. God surely weeps at his existence. He should be singin' with the choirs and instead he's down here, killin' and drinkin'..smokin' and sleepin' with men and women both. He is flawed and flawless, a demon with the face of an angel, and I want him.  
  
Yes, I know. This is Kudou Yohji. The man who is even more fickle than Schuldig. But our redheaded devil told me tha' your playboy's been dreamin' a me lately. His nocturnal diversions have increased as he tries to exorcise me from his mind. Just think, if he sullies his soul further at the mere thought of me, how agonized will be the cries of God if I claim him for my own?  
  
Calm down. I would never harm him.  
  
God would not be pained by his tears or by his blood, he revels in the suffering of my kitty. I will cherish him, will give him pleasure. I want to hear him laugh, want to see him smile, want to make him cry out in ecstasy.  
  
So tell me, how do I get to him? How do I catch him unawares? How do I take that lovely shining wire and keep my kitty helpless? How do I make him listen?  
  
No, I didna really expect ya to answer. You'll not betray your teammate. Even if we aren't exactly enemies any longer. I'll just come in his window while he sleeps.   
  
Tis the screenless one, correct?  
  
It should be fun. I know the rest of your group hasna realized we're even alive any longer, much less back here watchin' you.  
  
Though Schu is getting' impatient. If the golden child goes missin' sometime in the next coupla weeks don't worry.  
  
He'll be fine.  
  
Mastermind wants that sweet one willing, just as I want Balinese. Soon, soon we will all make our moves, soon you'll no longer be burdened with the secret of our discussions. Until that time comes just enjoy the company of your lady and don't think on it. Now, I have plans to make.  
  
Fare thee well little cat. Will be seein' ya.   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
**Notes:** Okay..that is a whole lot of slang. But it's the closest I can come to the relaxed accent that Farfie speaks with in my head. And personally, I don't think he's insane the way most people do. Oh sure, the man is a raving lunatic. But he's still perfectly capable of rational thought. Also, I know he never says anything about hurting God in the anime, but I am rather fond of fanfacts, and it makes things more interesting. As always, reviews are welcome. Comments or criticism. Just let me know what you think. 


	4. Schuldig

**Warnings:** het, yaoi, Schuldig POV, OOC, mild language  
  
**Ratings:** pg-13  
  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, just borrowing them. I promise that when I am done I will give them back in the same condition that I found them.  
  
**Pairings:** Nagi+Tot, Schuldig+Omi, Ken+Yuriko, Crawford+Ran, Farfarello+Yohji   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_'My, my my. When Berserker cleans out a room he really is thorough isn't he?'_  
  
_'Sorry, didn't mean to startle you.'_  
  
_'You're right, I'm not'_  
  
Fine, fine, if you're so insistent I'll talk out loud. You felines are so touchy.  
  
Well if you don't like it then you shouldn't think so loudly. It's not my fault you project your every though to all and sundry.  
  
As a matter of fact, yes, I do know where they are.  
  
Farfie too him to our place, said they needed to have a long talk and couldn't risk interruptions from the lot of you.  
  
Hmmm?  
  
Oh, Bombay. He's fine.  
  
Yes, really. Do you truly think that I would harm the one person who can quiet the voices?  
  
…..it was a rhetorical question. I don't need you to tell me what you're thinking.  
  
Fine! Don't get your tail in a twist. I assure you that where blondie is concerned my intentions are, more or less, completely honorable.  
  
His thoughts are like sunshine. Bright and warm but not without that hint of danger. Bask in them too long and I might get burned. He is genuinely cheerful, sweet, lively and loving and yet he is no innocent. There is darkness in him. There is pain, and truth. He knows what lurks in the shadows and he does not fear it. He is strong and determined. He can forgive, can show mercy, and yet he can kill as methodically as any of us. And of course, it doesn't hurt that he's completely gorgeous. Those eyes, that hair, that trim body. You have no idea how distracting he is, running around in those cute little shorts.  
  
Oh please, Kudou may be good but he's not nearly good enough to catch me when I'm actually paying attention.  
  
You don't get it, do you?  
  
Omi's very presence quiets the thoughts of others. He gives me focus, control. I don't know how, I don't know why. I just know that I have to be near him. I need him. He provides a kind of peace that I didn't even know I could experience. But of course, there is a problem. If it weren't for my mistake his cousin would still be alive.  
  
No, not his sister.  
  
Ouka was his cousin.  
  
You didn't know?  
  
Persia was Bombays father. How's that for irony. He rescued the boy, turned him into an assassin to punish his brother, only to learn that he had corrupted his own son.  
  
But now it falls upon me to explain everything. If I could I would kill the man myself. The damage he has done and is still doing is beyond measure. It doesn't help that my sweet one doesn't want my help. His trust is slow in coming, but I am happy to say that it is building.  
  
He still blames me for Oukas death, but he understands that I never meant for it to happen. I wanted to drive a wedge between them, not kill her. The boy has a surprisingly forgiving nature.  
  
Mmmm…but he is eighteen now. He was never a child, but now none can complain that I seek him. Not on bounds of his age at any rate.  
  
For the last time will you please stop thinking that I am trying to corrupt your innocent friend. How many times do I have to tell you that he is not, and has never been, innocent before you will listen? There is nothing to corrupt. He has seen more in his young life than most people ever do.  
  
Yes, I want him. I want to be the first and only person to hold and carress him. I want to take him, to claim him, to make him irrevocably mine. But that will take time. If I rush him, if I force him then he will never trust me, will never love me, will never give himself completely. Without that bond I will never gain the balance that I know he can provide. And even if I didn't want him forever, hurting him would be hurting myself. I am a telepath, when I touch someone I feel what they feel. Do you see now?  
  
Finally. I half thought that I might have to be a little more forceful in enlightening you, and that would not be an enjoyable process.  
  
I know that keeping all of this from them has not been easy. The weight of secrets is heavy and exhausting but you will not have to bear it much longer. Farf is convincing Balinese, Bombay is slowly falling for me, and Braddy is very carefully courting Abyssinian.  
  
Soon it will be done.  
  
Either we will fail, in which case we die and the lot of you go your separate ways. Or we succeed, and our two teams become one. Stronger and more cohesive than the first. All you have to do is hold out for a little while longer and we both know that you can. That bike happy girlfriend of yours will help.  
  
I am still amazed that you convinced her to return to Japan. She had sunny Australia at her beck and call and one visit from you brought her back here.  
  
Amazing.  
  
As much as I would love to stay and speak with you further, liebchen is waking and I wanted to bring him breakfast before we got into our daily debate.  
  
Wish me luck Ken-ken.  
  
Bye.   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
**Notes:** Can you tell that Schu-sama is my favorite? And as always, all comments and criticism are welcome. But please refrain from flaming. 


	5. Ken

**Warnings:** het, yaoi, Ken POV, OOC, mild language  
  
**Ratings:** pg-13  
  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, just borrowing them. I promise that when I am done I will give them back in the same condition that I found them.  
  
**Pairings:** Nagi+Tot, Schuldig+Omi, Ken+Yuriko, Crawford+Ran, Farfarello+Yohji   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
My life has been unreasonably complicated for years now. I guess that I am just not meant to have a simple, placid existence. But that really should be no surprise; I am an assassin after all. One of the best. But it's not just that. Sure, I kill people for money, but that alone doesn't make for the kind of life that can really drive me crazy. It's what was going on during my off hours that made things difficult.  
  
From the perspective of the average viewer everything probably seems very simple. I work in a flower shop, I coach a children's football team, I share my life with a beautiful woman and wonderful friends. But what they don't see is a life full of danger, fear, and more secrets than a fifteen year olds diary. Those secrets are what attempted to steal my sanity and I thank my lucky stars that I no longer have to keep them so close.  
  
Keeping things from the people who you trust to guard your back, and who give you that same trust is quite possibly the most difficult task in the world. But I had to, had I shared what I was keeping hidden they would have branded me a traitor and ended my life.  
  
I remember the first time one of those who I considered enemies approached me. I was sitting in a small café enjoying a warm drink when I heard a quiet voice at my shoulder telling me to be careful on my upcoming mission. Apparently the tall American had been passing by and received a vision foretelling one or more of our deaths. Without his warning I would have walked right into a trap that night, so…much as it hurt to admit, I owed him my life.  
  
Over the course of the next few months I slowly began to trust the opposing quartet, and it was a good thing that I did. For they had chosen me as a confidant. They told me their concerns, gave me warnings when things were uncertain, and provided me the same unbiased ear that I gave them. Gradually those infrequent discussions became more and more personal. I learned some of their pasts, their motives. I came to understand why they became what they did, and then I learned of their hearts.  
  
The first to tell me of his infatuation was the youngest, Naoe Nagi, brooding teenager and telekinetic extraordinaire. He'd gone and given his heart to the blue-haired bunny-butt of Schrient.  
  
To say that I was surprised when he chose to express his feelings to me would be a profound understatement. But I understood his predicament, and he felt better after speaking of it. Those two are doing well, she has grown up some and now acts her age…most of the time. From what I've been able to gather, Schuldig helped her work out some of her issues.  
  
At any rate, that conversation is probably what helped me hold out. Before it was over Nagi had given me a gift from his leader. A pair of plane-tickets to Australia, with them came instructions to take a vacation. I will forever be grateful for that.  
  
After the final confrontation with Schwartz I was exhausted.  
  
Mentally because of the strain of fighting people I considered friends.  
  
Physically from swimming through freezing water after the structure collapsed, as well as from being beaten up against a concrete pillar repeatedly.  
  
Emotionally from not knowing if the aforementioned friends were even still alive.  
  
That trip to Australia was revitalizing on all counts.  
  
I knew that they were still around when Yuriko met me at the gate, telling me that she had received a phone call that morning informing her of my impending arrival. After that I could relax, and spent three glorious weeks basking in the warm sun and making love to my hearts desire.  
  
Amazingly, when I told her about my night job she just smiled and nodded and said that she already knew. When I tried to make arrangements to remain on the peaceful continent she quickly stopped me and said that we would both be returning to Japan.  
  
I think that was the happiest day of my life.  
  
So we came back here, Japan, home. She moved into the apartment I keep above the shop and integrated herself into our lives with an ease that was wonderfully reassuring. We had made the right choice. I returned to my tasks as a member Weiss, and as the secret keep of Schwartz.  
  
That first conversation after my return caused me to take another look at my leader. I supposed that I could see the strength that Crawford spoke of, but I could also see fragility. If the Oracle wasn't careful he would break this tree, and never have a chance to make Ran into his haven.  
  
I really should not have worried.  
  
Crawford knew what buttons he could safely push; he knew what steps to take to win Rans interest and his trust. He was calm and patient, firm and gentle, harsh and romantic; all when the situation called for it. Through painstaking persistence and a very healthy does of flattery toward Aya-chan, he melted the icy walls that had surrounded Fujimiyas heart. He gained forgiveness from a person I thought incapable of such a thing.  
  
Fortunately I was able to see it happening, so I was not completely shocked when I came downstairs for breakfast one morning and found a remarkably relaxed Bradley Crawford sitting at a neatly set table watching a genuinely happy Fujimiya Ran cook. Until that moment I had not known that Abyssinian could cook, but since then he has done so on a relatively regular basis.  
  
They are really quite amusing. In the privacy of our home they are relaxed and affectionate, not sappy, but easy around each other, comfortable and warm. The moment a stranger appears or they set foot out in public they each revert to their usual cold-hearted personas. Glaring at everyone, threatening the lives of random people…and growling whenever some air-headed fangirl gets too close.  
  
Perhaps the least surprising of my teammates pairings is that of Omi and Schuldig. For some reason the love and understanding that they now share makes perfect sense to me. Maybe the reason lies in the sheer length of time that I have had to grow accustomed to the idea.  
  
Nagi was the first to tell me of Masterminds fixation on my young friend, and each of the others mentioned it in turn. Though it was not until the redhead snuck in one night and made off with him that I really thought about it.   
  
I could see how the two would mesh, though part of my mind refused to accept the innocent boy I had known for so long as a part of the self-named devils life. It took a visit from Schuldig himself to blend the image of the angel with that of Bombay into the true Omi. He forced me to realize that the blonde was no longer a child, that mentally he had perhaps never been.  
  
Tsukiyono could not be corrupted because his innocence had been gone for far longer than I cared to think. Yet despite his having been aware of the darkness of the world, despite his being part of it, Omi remained himself. Cheerful, friendly, forgiving. He was everything that Schuldig needed. As the lethal bandanna wearer said, he silenced the voices.  
  
I will never forget the hopeless look in those momentarily blue eyes as he told me that he was losing himself. I had gone looking for Crawford immediately after that particular revelation, hoping that perhaps it wasn't true. But the Oracle only confirmed his words. Telling me that it was a danger every telepath must face, the constant influx of others thoughts and feelings could easily overwhelm the persons individuality. According to him Schuldig was amazingly stubborn and strong-minded, and only that tenacity had enabled him to hang on for so long.  
  
For this reason alone I could be certain that Schuldig would protect Omi, would cherish him for all eternity. Because Omi was his last hope.  
  
So, what happens when a desperate and love struck telepath kidnaps a heavily trained archer who would like nothing more than to see him six feet under? First there was anger. Omi was livid, furious, more enraged than any of us had ever seen him. This man was responsible for the death of his sister, he had delivered him to torment at the hands of his brother, how dare he speak of forgiveness. But time passed, the Guilty One explained. Situation after situation was brought up, picked apart, understood. He learned that she was not his sister, but rather his cousin, and that her death was completely unintentional. Acceptance was give, then respect, friendship, admiration, and after many, many debates, love.  
  
There are no secrets to be found between them, just honesty. Really, they are very sweet. Omi goes on missions as he has always done and his lover follows and keeps him out of trouble. I would never have thought manipulative Mastermind capable of mother-henning until I saw it. The aura of happiness that surrounds them is sometimes overwhelming, and there is very little that can be funnier than seeing Bombay's cheeks turn pink in the middle of a boring mission. When that happens we all laugh, knowing that he's probably being given a running commentary on his shorts and just what they do to the mind reader.  
  
As unsurprising as Omi and Schuldig were, the last couple among our group was equally shocking. Farfarello and Yohji. I could hardly believe my ears when the one-eyed madman told me of his desire for the playboy. I had never pictured Farfarello as being a sexual creature. The thought of him in any kind of relationship only conjured up vague images of blood and pain. But as he spoke I realized that he was making sense.  
  
The albino had noticed the self-destructive habits of my friend. He was fully aware that the lanky man was getting worse, not better. He sensed what no one else could. Kudou was killing himself, possibly even consciously. He had lost his will to live. The Asuka/Neu debacle had broken something in his mind and there were no signs of him recovering. I saw true worry lurking in that lone amber eye, genuine concern over the well being of his 'kitty.'  
  
His quest against God had not, and still hasn't, ended, but he saw in Kudou a way to get back at that cruel and oppressive deity without causing pain. By saving Yohji, by easing his pain and bringing them both pleasure, he would be thwarting the being who brought such suffering to them both.  
  
But he had his work cut out for him. Of us all Yohji had fallen the farthest. He slept with his wire and woke at the slightest sound. To this day I do not know how Berserker managed to subdue a paranoid and likely very frightened Balinese long enough to clean out his apartment and run off with him into the night.  
  
It was weeks before any of us saw so much as a blonde hair, only the assurances of Schuldig that he was just fine kept me calm. The details of what went on during that time have been kept carefully secret. What is important is that Kudou, though still the physical embodiment of Sin itself, seems to have gained stability from a most unlikely source. It is not unusual to walk in on a shirtless Yohji tempting his silver-haired lover and we all know that they have a very active and, from the sound of things, satisfying relationship.  
  
But don't think that things between them are purely physical. They have been known to vanish into the study for hours on end, discussing philosophy and thoroughly enjoying the many books that we have collected over the years. Farfarello has proven himself to be more than capable of rational conversation, though such events are generally accompanied by the sound of his blender whirring away quietly. The only time that he really gets dangerous anymore is when he believes that someone has insulted his Yohji, or worse, when he thinks that they are trying to lay claim to the blonde. He is possessive and has marked Kudou for his own.  
  
Once all of our various relationships had stabilized it was time for me to come out and tell the others my secret. I must say that they took it very well. Yohji blinked at me for a moment before handing a piece of liver to Farfie and saying that we were all still alive so I couldn't have been betraying anyone. Omi nodded and told me that he was glad they had someone to talk to. He told me that they had made the right choice, I was trustworthy.  
  
Ran, well, he surprised me. The katana wielder smiled and said that he knew all along. He had seen Crawford give me that warning the first time, and had overheard one or two of the conversations along the way. He knew I wasn't hurting anything or anyone, and so did not say anything. My burden was unloaded and I was happy.  
  
None of us were adjusting to being separate very well, and the space above the shop was simply not big enough for everyone. That was when Crawford surprised us yet again. He brought us to what looked like a warehouse and when we stepped inside…it was amazing, it was perfect, it is home.  
  
He had arranged for the massive building to be converted into living quarters for the lot of us. Apparently he had faith that we could successfully pull it off all along. So we all packed up and moved in, letting Sakura and Aya-chan take over the space above the shop.  
  
At first living in such proximity was a challenge and we stepped lightly for a few weeks until everyone adjusted to each others various weird quirks. But now none of us could imagine living anywhere else. We live in the warehouse, work in the flower shop, and do body guarding and other activities by night.  
  
My life is still complicated, but these days things are at least a little more simple.   
  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
**Notes:** Okay, it's over! That's the end. This chapter required a full rewrite because the first edition was…bad. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed!! You give me reassurance that people actually like the results of my boredom. Yay! In other notes, yes, I know that we never find out if Crawfords first name is Bradley…and I don't care…it makes me happy. I also like the blender. Personally think there should have been some Farfie w/ blender scenes in the series. As always…please review! 


End file.
